New Bright Future

New Bright Future ~ God’s Way

“God has a plan.” Each and every one of us has been told that, time and time again. We may hear it and just shrug it off, or become angry at those very words. How many of us have actually listened? God has a plan – God is in control.
For many years, I ignored those words. Well meaning friends and family would tell me that God does not give me more than I can handle. I refused to listen. I refused to believe that God cared. I refused to believe Philippians 1:6, which says, “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” (NKJV)
I could sit and complain for days about “what God put me through.” I could become depressed at circumstances and trials from my past. Yes, it would be easy to fall back into that trap. Satan made that trap very comfortable for me for many years. It was not, and still is not, an easy trap to stay away from. I hear the voices, in the back of my head, telling me that I have more friends if I beg for pity. I hear that no one will have interest in me, if they see who I really am. It was, and continues to be a choice. I can see myself through the evil eyes of Satan, or I can make the choice to see myself for who I really am, in Christ.
Through many studies, Christ has introduced me to myself. Psalms 139 and Jeremiah 29, both contain a wealth into who I am.

Psalm 139:1-7, 13-16, 23-24 (New International Version)

1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God is in control. He knows me better than I could ever dream of knowing myself. The events of my life have a purpose. They are part of who I am, but they are not all of who I am. God has taught me many things through the hard times. Two events took place in my early childhood. The first is something I remember as if it happened today. My father was on a ladder, picking apples, and he slipped. He fell backwards, and the ladder fell on top of him. He broke his back and spent months in and out of the hospital and rehabilitation. The second event was in February, 1979. I was a child that was always terrified of thunderstorms. That night, I was lying on the couch, right outside the door to my parents’ bedroom. Because of the storm, I was wide awake and trembling. I saw a bright glow out of the window, on the front porch. I ran into my parents’ bed, which they were very used to. Just as I lay down, there was a massive explosion. My father ran out of the room, only to see our front porch was on fire. My mom screamed for my siblings and me to leave the house, and go out to the running car. Needless to say, there are many memories wrapped up into those two events. I could write out every detail, but that is not important. What I can do is explain what God has taught me through these events. Because of the injury to my father, he was unable to work, and considered handicapped. Because he was home, we were able to build a relationship that remains a steady point in my life. He was always there for me, and is still my “lighthouse” guiding me, and my rock of support. Throughout my late childhood, into early adolescence, I survived eight years of sexual abuse from one of my brothers. He was not repentant, he was not remorseful. He spent years manipulating me to do what he desired me to do. I did, willingly, because I trusted him. He was my big brother, what else would a young child do? I used to look at this experience with hatred. I used to look at it with so much anger that it physically made me ill. I can say that I love my brother, because that is what God asks me to do. It is because of this circumstance, that I found courage. I found a will to fight, because I saw God using what I went through to help some friends that I care very deeply for. There were two things given to me, by a friend in Norway, a friend who has helped me see the good in myself. Both of these are where I can see them daily, and remind me of God and his promises.
God, Mark and I can fight this.Is my past going to be my future?My belief is that I can learn to live with this.Guide me, God,In You I trust.God, who knows my heart and my fight.I can do this!Trust myself, trust me.
If you look closely at the first word of each line, it states: God is my guide. In God I trust.
The other is a prayer:
Father, Help me to comprehend your unfailing love for me, for your love is perfect and casts out all fear. I will put into practice the things you have taught me, and I will follow your leading. I will fear no evil for you are with me. You go before me, Lord, and you are my rear guide. Thank you that as I make my requests known to you with thanksgiving, you give me peace in my heart and mind. You are my strength and my power. Thank you Lord, that you are my strength and that you have shown me the edited memories. I trust in your power to lead me right in finding the truth about my past. You have given me a sound mind able to move out of fear and anxious thoughts. Keep my mind focused on you and the good things you have done for me in your faithfulness and grace, Amen.

Because I have been through this part of my life, and I have come out on the right side of it, God is able to use me to help others. I will not lie and say that I never have difficulties with this, but, through God’s grace, it is not a part of my every day life anymore. I married my first husband in June of 2001. I thought I was in love, and that I would be happy. The problem is, I “jumped the gun” on God and decided I could run my life better than he could. The first six months of the marriage were great! I felt loved, and I felt treasured. That feeling did not last, and the marriage slowly began to fall apart. I could point fingers, and lay blame, but the fact is God was not “#1” in our marriage. He was very important to me, but was very unimportant to my husband. In March 2004, I was asked to leave, and was told a divorce would be filed. Yes, it hurt, and sometimes still does, but I now can look back on those 2+ years and realize that I did learn from them. I learned what true love is not. During the last few months of my marriage, I had been begging anyone I met, online, to help me. I wanted to save my marriage. I had been doing everything in my power. I had started going to church again, faithfully, and I was pleading with God to make things right. He did. No, it was not in the way that I expected, but he made things right. One person that had been advising me about the marriage was a very Godly, caring man. He gave me numerous verses to read, and helped me find Bible studies to help as well. Little did we know, God meant for us to be together. On June 2, 2004, Mark moved from Massachusetts to Michigan. He can still, to this day, tell you exactly how many miles he drove. He instantly bonded with my mother, who normally was not an easy person to get to know. He would do things for her that no one else would, including massage her feet and ankles.
July proved to be a very difficult month, that same year. Mark was trying to find a place to live, other than the hotel, and knowing we were going to be married, I would move some of my things a little at a time. On July 9, we signed a lease for a very nice, 2 bedroom apartment. We were very excited about it, because they would allow our two dogs. The next morning, I woke up to mom sitting in her chair, with tears in her eyes. She told me she was afraid she was losing me again, and I reminded her that I was not moving until we were married. She began to become angry and that escalated my anger as well. We ended up exchanging a few words that we both wished we had not said. Mark and I left to move a few things into the apartment. While we were there, mom and dad decided that they wanted to take us shopping for things for our new place. We arrived home and were told of their plans, which sounded like a great night out for all of us.
The events of that night changed my life forever. We lost mom that night. It came on very suddenly and happened very quickly. Details of all that happened are still difficult, but even through this tragedy in my life; God is teaching me and working in my heart and life. Grief is not easy for anyone, and it has been an uphill walk, but with God’s help, and the help of amazing friends, that I met through my grief, I am climbing, and I know God will use this too.
Mark and I were married on April 30, 2005. It was a small wedding, but very nice, with some friends and family present. Dad not only walked me down the aisle, he was the best man. In August, we found out we were expecting our first child. Eight days later, my largest fears were confirmed. Our precious angel was in Heaven. This is still difficult for both Mark and I, but with help from above, family, and friends, we are taking one step at a time in the right direction. I wrote this poem for our sweet baby:
My Dear Sweet Angel (August 12, 2005)
My dear sweet angel, my sweet one,Rest now, so sweet, the in the arms of the Son.My dear sweet angel, my sweet love,Feel your mommy's love, even from Above.Rest now sweet baby.Rest in His Holy arms.Rest now sweet baby,For you are safe from harm.

There is no one who can fill the space of a mom or a child, but God has brought some amazing people, into my life, to fill part of that space. My family grew from those that are related to me, to people all over the world. When I think of what God has done, in providing such incredible friendships, I have to sit back and thank him. There are days when I am at my lowest, but what I can say is that my lowest is in God’s arms, rather than pushing them away. I will stumble, I will fall, but I will stand back up, brush myself off, and keep pushing forward towards my future.
Romans 8:37-39 (New International Version)
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Because the Lord is faithful and true to do what he says, I can rest in his promises. I am more than a conqueror. I am victorious because of him, and I can choose to be happy. Depression is a choice, and one I will not make anymore. Nothing can take me away from him, including depression. His plans are perfect and with him at the reigns, I have a new bright future, full of possibilities.